To engage in mindful breathing, simply take a few deep breaths and center your awareness on the here and now. This approach will help circulate your blood flow and distribute oxygen throughout your system. If you are a top that tends to blow too quickly or if this is the case for your bottom, it’s time to start focusing on mindful breathing approaches. Believe it or not, bottoms can be aggressive too. Follow his lead in form and position and mindfully tune into where you sense he is going. In fact, this approach can very much be a turn-off.Ī better method is to share power and control and let your bottom guide you towards what he wants. And while it is true most tops are wired to do what they do, this doesn’t mean they need to be controlling. One of the myths associated with being a good gay top is that you have to be the one in control. Hot talk can be fun and your goal should be to turn your man on – but don’t ruin the moment by getting carried away.
Avoid using phrases that feminize, dehumanize or humiliate him. To avoid being “that guy”, it’s important to compliment your man and let him know how beautiful he is. This type of guy is the one who simply inserts, drills and says nothing during the process – taking care of his own needs without showing appreciation for the bottom. Verbally appreciate himĪsk any bottom and they will tell you that narcissistic tops are the worst.
On the other hand, he’s eagerly desiring you to exert your power, consider it a green light to move forward with passion.
This is why it’s important to mindfully tune into your man and determine where he is in that particular moment.įor example, is he engaging in lots of kissing and foreplay? Does he seem to be touching you a lot? This is an indication that your bottom is looking for an emotional buildup before reaching its full crescendo.Ĭonsider this your cue to take your time and not be overly aggressive. The answer to this question may not reveal itself until the two of you start playing. While you may be in the mood to penetrate, that doesn’t mean your guy is also feeling it. It will show him you care about what is to come in a way that sends a positive mindful message. It doesn’t hurt to manscape and groom yourself in a way that is pleasing to your bottom. If the answer is yes and you are in the mood to top, make sure you take the time to clean yourself properly. There’s nothing wrong with vanilla, provided the both of you are down with an alternative activity. Most bottoms will be able to detect if you’re feeling it and if the experience is genuine. Do you feel like topping is your mind elsewhere? If the answer is no and you are just looking to release, don’t force yourself to top your man. Read them all in order to fully absorb their deeper meaning.īefore anything can happen, it is important for you to check your mood.
Some of these suggestions may strike you as common sense while others will cause you to pause and reflect.
The material that you are about to read comes to us from readers who identify as bottoms, combined with wisdom from tops who actively engage in mindful based sex.
Tracing its roots back to ancient Buddhism, mindfulness teaches people how to live in the moment and be one with their environment. You may be wondering what that term – mindfulness – means? Well, mindfulness is nothing more than a state of awareness that focuses your total span of awareness on the here and now. In the past, we’ve offered readers who are interested in bottoming suggestions on how to ride a guy the right way and avoid pain.īecause of interest in this topic, we’ve decided to explore the other of the dynamic through the lens of psychology, specifically borrowing from the school of mindfulness. Part of this has to do with a machismo factor on the part of some gay men and part of it relates to simply not knowing the basics. While many guys identify a top men according to some of the existing research, few are aware of technique, form and style. If you are looking for tips on being a better gay top, you wouldn’t be alone.